


How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You

by coldfusion9797



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Anna and Mr Bates sort of adopt Jimmy, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Homecoming, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: After leaving Downton life is bleak for Jimmy, until a letter arrives changing his life once again. Post 6.08.
Relationships: Anna Bates/John Bates, Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent
Comments: 14
Kudos: 98





	How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back when I was rewatching Downton in preparation for the movie. Thomas/Jimmy is one of my favourite ships but I'd never written anything for them. Figured it was as good a time as any to give it a go. (And I just wanna say I adore what Julian Fellowes did with Thomas in the movie, having him be the one pursued was the perfect way to give him his happy ending.)  
> Warning, there is a bit of abuse at the start, but this one is pretty schmoopy because I just want them to be happy. Enjoy!

When Jimmy worked at Downton, he had never really appreciated it. He had always seen it as a stepping stone, a temporary employment until something better came along. He'd wanted to travel the world, meet beautiful ladies, drink champagne. 

He knew now that he'd been wrong. Downton was a fine place to be, the servants hall was always warm and he had been valued there. 

Mr Carson might have been a pompous old windbag, but he wasn't cruel or vicious, he simply liked things to be done right. The same could not be said of Mr Wright.

Even the masters at Downton were kind and considerate, Lady Rose especially. The servants almost felt a part of the family there, compared to Hatterly Park. The master here was as cold as his servants and Jimmy was, in a word, miserable.

The one bright spot in Jimmy's week had become his letters from Mr Barrow. He had never understood why having a friend was so wonderful until it had been taken away from him. Knowing that Mr Barrow had always been there to be relied upon was a comfort beyond words. Now he had to fend for himself, a task he wasn't altogether succeeding in. He had copped enough clips around the ear, and worse, for apparently failing in his duties, but more often than not he thought Mr Wright just looked for excuses to hit him. It wasn't anything he couldn't handle, but it wasn't anything like Downton either.

Sometimes he longed for Mr Barrow, knowing that his friend would not tolerate the poor treatment Jimmy received, and that he would have some clever way to make Mr Wright stop. He had thought about including his treatment in a letter to Mr Barrow and asking for advice, but he knew what the other man was like, and that he would worry himself sick when there was nothing he could really do. 

When the post arrived Jimmy did his best to conceal his eagerness. If Mr Wright knew how much these letters meant to him, Jimmy was afraid the nasty butler would devise some way to use them against him. 

"James," the butler drawled, holding an envelope out towards him.

"Thank you, Mr Wright," he accepted, making sure to keep his face completely neutral despite wanting to rip the letter open straight away and devour every word Mr Barrow had written. Instead, Jimmy tucked it into his pocket and got to work for the day.

xxx

That evening when Jimmy retired to bed, he finally got a chance to read his mail. All day he had been thinking about what Mr Barrow might have to say, and that in itself was a pleasant way to spend a day at Hatterly Park. Mr Barrow usually included an anecdote or two, something amusing Mrs Patmore had said or Daisy had done. He talked about what a blessing the children were, and how the family was fairing. Jimmy liked hearing about the goings on at Downton, it made him feel in some small way that he was still a part of it. 

Pulling the letter from his pocket, finally getting a chance to study it in detail, something he dare not risk when Mr Wright might catch him, he noticed that the handwriting was not Mr Barrow's at all. A cloud of disappointment descended on him, but curious to know who else might have written to him, he pulled the envelope open and took the letter out. 

Glancing to the bottom, he saw that the note was signed by Mr Bates. Lord Grantham's valet had never been his biggest admirer, and an inexplicable dread seized Jimmy for a moment. Why on Earth would Mr Bates contact him unless something terrible had happened? 

Jimmy steeled himself and began to read:

_Jimmy,_

_You and I never saw eye to eye on much, but on this I think we can agree.  
An accident has befallen Mr Barrow and he is in need of a friend. If it is at all possible, I request you to come to Downton and see him. He needs you, and I don't think you can ignore a friend in need. _

_Mr John Bates_

_P.S. Anna and I are happy to have you stay at the cottage should you wish to._

Suddenly Jimmy's heart was pounding out of his chest. He needed details, he needed to know how Thomas was now. Had Mr Bates been deliberately vague to give him no choice but to seek answers? It wasn't necessary, Jimmy had already made up his mind to go. 

With the note in hand, he left his room and sought out Mr Wright. The sooner he arranged time off, the sooner he could get going. 

Hoping that the butler was still up, he tried his room first, but finding it empty, he had no choice but to seek the butler out in his sleeping quarters.

"Mr Wright!" he called as he knocked on the door. His hand was reaching for the knob when the vicious old butler wrenched the door open.

"What is the meaning of this?" the butler spat.

Jimmy knew it was entirely inappropriate but he pressed on anyway.

"I've had a letter," he explained. "A dear friend of mine has had an accident and I must go as soon as possible."

The old butler gave him a shrewd look.

"It's out of the question."

"But he needs me!"

"Needs you, does he?” the butler sneered, eyeing Jimmy up and down. “I doubt that very much."

Jimmy clenched the letter in his fist. It was true, Mr Bates had said so, and he wasn't going to let this horrible man tell him that Mr Barrow wasn't important. 

"I have time owing. I haven't had a day off since I've been here!" 

"How dare you use that tone with me!"

And before Jimmy knew it, the butler had seized hold of him and thrown him to the floor. The next thing he felt was a boot in his ribs. 

It knocked the wind out of him and Jimmy hugged his middle to protect himself. He knew his face was safe, Mr Wright had only bruised his cheek once and the master had been very clear that he was to leave no visible marks again. 

"Get back to bed," the butler commanded, seizing Jimmy by the collar and throwing him out of the room. "And never come near my quarters again."

xxx

Jimmy packed his bag with the few personal things he owned, gathered up the little money he had saved, and was gone from the house before midnight. He didn't know or care what that meant for his job, he would face those consequences when he had to. For now, he made his way to the train station, prepared to wait the whole night through until he could buy a ticket to Ripon and leave this awful place behind. 

xxx

It was a train whistle that woke him, and Jimmy realised he had fallen asleep waiting for morning to arrive. Looking about for his things, he discovered they were gone. Some blighter had robbed him blind while he slept. Perhaps it should have made him angrier, but with his luck, it didn't surprise him. It didn't dissuade him either. He managed to sell his watch for enough to buy a train ticket, and that was all he needed. 

xxx

Jimmy leaned back on the train seat and sighed. His ribs ached and he imagined there would be quite a bruise when he got a chance to take a look. 

For now, he was satisfied to be in motion, to be heading towards something instead of away from it. 

He should have written to Mr and Mrs Bates, let them know he would like to accept their kind offer. But he was on his way now and would beat the mail. He would just have to trust to their kindness and hope they wouldn't mind terribly much when he arrived unannounced. 

xxx

Doing his best to ignore the ache in his ribs, Jimmy raised his hand and knocked on the servant's door. As he did so, a pang of regret ran through him at being an outsider here. Downton was a much better place than he had ever given it credit for.

The door swung open to reveal Mr Carson.

"James!" the butler boomed. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

Jimmy had not left under the best of circumstances, and he knew how Mr Carson felt about a scandal, he would be very lucky to ever make it back inside this house while the old man presided. 

"It's quite alright, Mr Carson," Mr Bates interceded. "I invited him."

"You what?"

Poor Mr Carson looked absolutely scandalised. 

"I'm surprised to see you so soon, Jimmy."

"I caught the first train I could. Thank you for your letter, Mr Bates. I'm anxious to know about Mr Barrow's accident. Is he very unwell?"

"Accident!" Mr Carson hmphed. 

"Not too unwell. Might James come in, Mr Carson?"

Mr Carson eyed him critically, but not altogether unkindly.

"I suppose so," he eventually allowed.

Jimmy stepped inside and pulled his cap off. It was so good to be back here in this warm and lively place, and he felt the tension begin to drain out of him, even with Mr Carson watching him like a hawk.

"And I suppose you think you'll be staying here?" the butler questioned.

"Actually, Anna and I have offered James a place for his stay."

"Well I never..." Mr Carson grumbled, straightening his coat and striding off.

Mr Bates just smiled one of his secret smiles and turned to Jimmy.

"Would you like to see him now?"

Jimmy nodded and followed the valet upstairs.

xxx

It struck Jimmy as strange that no one had yet mentioned the nature of Mr Barrow's accident. Had he fallen down the stairs? Did it involve a motor vehicle?

"What exactly happened, Mr Bates?"

"I think that is up to Mr Barrow to say. Be a friend to him, Jimmy. That's what he needs right now."

"Of course, Mr Bates," Jimmy agreed, he had no intention of being anything else.

Mr Bates gave him a smile and a nod and pushed the door open. 

"Mr Barrow, there's someone here to see you."

"I don't really..." Mr Barrow began, but he trailed off into silence when Jimmy stepped into the room. 

Mr Barrow was sitting up in bed. The first thing that struck Jimmy was his complexion. Mr Barrow was naturally pale, but he was white as a ghost now. He looked tired and drawn, more as though he were sick than injured. Jimmy didn't understand.

Mr Bates gave him a friendly touch on the shoulder.

"I'll be right downstairs should you need anything."

Jimmy nodded gratefully and then Mr Bates was gone, leaving the two of them alone. 

Jimmy wasn't exactly sure what to say. Truth be told, he was reeling, not only from seeing Mr Barrow in this state, but because of the tattered state he suddenly found his own life in. But it was his own selfishness that had lead to his current plight, if he had not acted so foolishly as to be dismissed he would still belong here, so he determined to push selfishness aside and focus on others.

"How are you, Mr Barrow?"

"Better for seeing you, Jimmy."

Once, that statement would have made Jimmy uncomfortable. He knew how Mr Barrow felt about him, even now he could see it shining in the other man's eyes, but he found that these days it warmed him more than anything, it had been a while since he'd been on the receiving end of much other than disdain. 

"They said you had an accident..."

"Of sorts..." Mr Barrow avoided, instead inviting Jimmy to take a seat beside the bed. "Tell me what's new with you?"

"Not much," Jimmy avoided as well. He didn't want to talk about his current, perhaps former, employment. It was awful and needn't taint his associations here. 

Mr Barrow looked at him with a strange tightness. He was hiding something. If it was his feelings, he usually didn't have to work so hard at it, and it was unnecessary anyway. They were both well aware of the truth. 

Jimmy didn't like this distance between them. It had been a long time since things had been awkward between them and he couldn't bare it now. Not when he so desperately needed Mr Barrow on his side. 

He changed spots, seating himself on the edge of Mr Barrow's bed.

Mr Barrow looked at him fearfully, but Jimmy was determined to push past it.

"Mr Barrow," he said, as gently as he could manage despite his anxiousness and unease. "What happened?"

The other man's face crumpled and then he was reaching for Jimmy and that was when Jimmy knew how truly awful it must be. Mr Barrow never showed emotion like that. Jimmy did the only thing he could, and reached back, wrapping Mr Barrow up in a tight embrace.

Mr Barrow held on so tight, like his life depended on it. It shot a sharp pain through Jimmy's bruised ribs but he just grit his teeth and bore it, because he didn't have the heart to make Mr Barrow let go.

The other man sobbed a few times, drew in a gasping breath to try to stop himself, but Jimmy didn't mind. Mr Barrow seemed to need this chance to let go and if Jimmy being here helped him do that, then Jimmy was happy to help in any way he could. 

"There, there, Mr Barrow. It's alright..."

"No, it isn't..." Mr Barrow wept.

"I'm sure it can't be as bad as all that. I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are," Mr Barrow said, drawing back and giving him a watery smile. Jimmy returned the smile and handed Mr Barrow a handkerchief to tidy himself up. 

Once Jimmy was satisfied that Mr Barrow had calmed himself, he continued his quest for answers.

"Will you please tell me what this is all about? I only want to help."

"You already have, Jimmy," Mr Barrow assured him. "You being here means more than you can know."

"I think I have a fair idea," he pointed out. The fact that Mr Barrow loved him was no secret. Jimmy didn't say it to be unkind, only to let Mr Barrow know that if he would share, Jimmy was capable of understanding. If he'd done something, made another mistake like he had with Jimmy, it was alright.

Jimmy reached out and took Mr Barrow's hand, wanting to assure him that everything was alright between them, and it was then that he noticed the bandage wrapped around his wrist. 

It was like a lead weight dropped in his gut. 

"What's this...?" he whispered, willing his assumption to prove false. One could be an accident, two was something much more sinister, he glanced at Mr Barrow's other arm, a matching bandage there. He knew what this meant...

"I... I couldn't see another way..." Mr Barrow admitted and Jimmy dropped the hand like he'd been burned, stumbling back from the bed.

"Jimmy? Don't. Please don't-"

But Jimmy could feel his anger surging. 

"How could you! How could you do that?!"

He was furious that the one person in the world who cared about him had tried to leave him all alone in it. Jimmy knew he himself could be selfish, but never to this degree.

"Jimmy, please! I was desperate..."

"I don't care how desperate you were! How could you? How could you even..."

Jimmy's heart was racing and his chest was heaving and he felt like he wanted to be sick. It was worse than waking up to an unsolicited kiss, it was betrayal of another kind altogether. Tears were running down his own face now and he couldn't stay here a minute longer. He wrenched the door open. 

"Jimmy, wait!"

But he couldn't. He had to run, as fast and as far as he could. 

xxx

As it turned out, he couldn't run very far at all. He had no money, no possessions to sell, no job. Probably. He couldn't afford a meal or a train ticket. With every breath he heaved, his ribcage ached. Things couldn't get much worse. And then it began to rain. 

Jimmy pulled his coat tighter around himself and walked. He didn't even know where his feet were taking him until he was knocking on a cottage door long after dark. He hoped he was welcome here.

The door opened to reveal Mr Bates.

"Jimmy, we wondered what had happened to you."

"Jimmy!" That was Anna's voice. "You're soaked through. Come in quickly."

He stepped into the cosy cottage. Dripping wet and unable to change because he had no other clothes.

He pulled his cap off, but propriety was long since passed. 

A puddle began to form under his boots as the rainwater dripped from his coat.

"I'm sorry," he apologised to the sweet lady's maid. "I don't have any spare clothes."

"That's alright," she told him, speaking gently. "Mr Bates will find you something. Won't you, Mr Bates?"

"Of course," Mr Bates allowed, limping off to find something. 

Jimmy felt utterly pathetic, but Anna was kind and gracious and made him feel like he wasn't too much of an imposition. 

She took his coat and showed him through to a room they were planning to use as a nursery. Mr Bates came back with some dry things and they left Jimmy to change.

Once he was done, he made his way back to the sitting room. Mr and Mrs Bates were having some tea. 

Mr Bates' clothes were much too big on him. The Bates' shared a smile but didn't comment on how silly he must look.

Instead, Mr Bates offered him a seat by the fire and Anna smiled kindly at him as she offered him a cup of tea. He took a sip, the warm drink felt good in his throat. 

"Jimmy, what happened today?" Mr Bates questioned. Of course they had to ask, and had been kind to wait until he was warm and dry before they began. "Was I wrong to invite you here? It's only that I thought you and Thomas were friends."

"It was quite right, Mr Bates. You weren't to know that his... accident would upset me so."

"And why is that?" Anna asked in her gentle way. 

Jimmy's mind flashed to a sickbed, a person who could have fought but didn't. He shook his head to clear the image.

"It's only that I knew someone once who took that path." 

The Bates' shared a look but thankfully didn't press him for details. That pain was too unbearable to speak of.

"How's... things at the house?" he asked. Now that he'd calmed down, he worried that he'd made the problem worse. 

"Mr Barrow is upset, of course," said Mr Bates. "But he was very glad you made the effort to come. I told him you'd be here at the cottage, even though I wasn't sure of the truth of it. He needed that reassurance."

"That was kind of you, Mr Bates."

"You are welcome, Jimmy," Anna offered. "To stay as long as you like. When are you expected back?"

After the way he'd left things, he didn't think he'd be expected back at all. 

"I couldn't say exactly..."

"Did something happen?" Anna carefully asked. 

Was there any point in denying it now? It wasn't as though he had anything left to lose. 

"I left in a bit of a rush. I was worried about Mr Barrow you see, and Mr Wright, the butler, is not so kind or understanding as Mr Carson."

"Heavens Jimmy," said Anna. "That sounds frightful."

"It was," he admitted, hugging his ribs and thinking of that final assault.

Mr Bates gave him an astute look.

"You can confide in us, Jimmy. God knows we've faced our fair share of challenges. Sharing the burden always lightens the load."

He looked between them, both so patient and willing to listen. He wasn't ready to tell the whole truth, but perhaps one day he would want to. 

"I'll keep that in mind, Mr Bates."

xxx

The Bates' had to leave early in the morning to make sure they got up to the house in time. They had left Jimmy with the assurance that he was free to stay at the cottage and he was very grateful. He still didn't have a clue what he was going to do next in terms of earning a living, but as far as his stay in Yorkshire went, he could at least repay Mr and Mrs Bates' kindness in favour. 

Jimmy wasn't much of a gardener, but he could tell the difference between what was a weed and what was not, so he tended to the garden beds, enjoying the hard work for the respite it brought from thought. It wasn't lost on him that it had taken bad luck to cure him of his laziness. He thought maybe now he was a little better than he used to be, but the price had been high.

For lunch he helped himself to bread and jam which Mrs Bates had left for him, and then filled the afternoon with scrubbing the nursery. Not that it was unclean, but one could never clean too much. Not according to Mr Carson at least. 

By the time his hosts made it home from the big house, Jimmy was close to worn out. 

"Did you weed the garden, Jimmy?" Anna remarked, sounding a little surprised.

"And scrubbed the nursery. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Mr Bates smiled. It was a relief, for a moment Jimmy worried that he might have overstepped. 

"You better be careful, Jimmy," Anna smiled. "Or we might want to keep you."

Jimmy ached at the thought of how wonderful that might be.

"How is everyone up at the big house?" he asked. Specifically he wanted to know about Mr Barrow, but he couldn't bring himself to ask, not yet. 

"Improving, I'd say. Lady Mary brought Master George to see Mr Barrow today."

"That was good of her," Mr Bates said to his wife.

"It was," Anna agreed. "Master George brought Mr Barrow an orange to make him feel better. They are funny together those two, I think there's real affection there on both sides."

"Barrow the nanny, who'd have thought it..." Mr Bates pondered.

While they didn't specifically address Mr Barrow's health, hearing them talk like this, told Jimmy that they weren't worried and therefore things mustn't be too bad. 

"What about you, Jimmy?" Anna questioned. "Have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

"Not yet," he told her, because he honestly hadn't a clue. He didn't want to return to Hatterly Park, but what other prospects did he have? However nice the Bates' were, he couldn't stay forever. And while he might be very angry at Mr Barrow, he didn't think he could go without seeing him at least one last time. 

"Well," she said. "There's no rush. Especially not if we come home to find lovely surprises like this at the end of the day."

xxx

At the time it had never occurred to Thomas that his actions were selfish. He hadn't thought anyone cared enough to miss him. Of course he wasn't happy that Jimmy was upset, but he was upset because he cared, and that was something Thomas couldn't be unhappy about. 

In all Jimmy's letters there had been no indication that he was anything other than thriving, and Thomas had taken from that that Jimmy didn't need him, not like he had needed Jimmy. Of course he already knew that, Jimmy didn't love him, he wasn't like Thomas, hadn't been sustained by the very sight of someone so precious. 

He had tried to soldier on after Jimmy left Downton, but without that beautiful, golden boy lighting up his life, the days simply grew darker until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He’d meant to put an end to it, relieve himself of his suffering, and the world of him if he was being honest, believing that the world would not have been worse off for the loss of one man who had never really belonged to it.

Waking up after the unsuccessful attempt was possibly the worst moment of his life. Not only was he damnably miserable, now everyone knew it.

In the days that followed though, he began to realise something. He was not as uncared for as he had believed. He would be dead now if Miss Baxter hadn’t come looking for him, and many of the staff, even some of the family, had checked on his welfare and helped care for him.

On the whole, by accepting their kindness and doing his best to return it, he was feeling better and more hopeful about the future. His biggest concern now, was Jimmy.

Against all odds, Jimmy had come back into his life and Thomas wanted to make things right with him. He couldn’t stand the thought of his best friend being upset with him. It was unlikely that Jimmy would return to the house, he had been so very angry, so Thomas determined that he should strive to get well as soon as possible, that way he could seek Jimmy out himself and begin to repair the rift.

xxx

On Saturday morning Mr and Mr Bates were up especially early. It was Lady Mary's wedding day. Anna of course had the most important job, seeing that the bride looked her best, and Mr Bates would have plenty to do as well, in assisting the father of the bride.

After breakfast, Jimmy said farewell for the day and wished them both luck. He was a little sad not to be part of the staff on such a momentous day, the house was always a hive of activity on special days like this, and now he could look back fondly, recalling the way they would all pull together to make sure everything went off without a hitch. In all his time at Hatterly Park, he couldn’t recall one genuine smile, let alone an entire happy day, and with each day that passed, he missed Downton more. The house itself and the gracious family, but mostly he missed the staff. He missed evenings in the servant’s hall, playing cards or the piano. He even missed getting bossed around by Mrs Patmore, and Mr Carson’s stern looks, they were such warm and generous people compared Mr Wright and the nasty, old cook at Hatterly. But most of all he missed Mr Barrow. He missed smokes in the evening and having someone he could talk to. It never mattered what he’d said, Mr Barrow had always listened, and offered advice and help however he could. They had been a team. Perhaps that’s why it hurt so much when Mr Barrow had wanted to abandon him, they were supposed to be in it together, suffering the injustices of life together. If Mr Barrow’s plan had come off, who in all the world would Jimmy have to rely upon?

xxx

When Mr and Mrs Bates arrived home in the evening, there was another person with them. It was Mr Barrow.

"Mr Bates and I are going to the pub for tea," Anna told him. "We'll bring you something back, Jimmy."

He nodded gratefully.  
Mr and Mrs Bates stepped out, and then it was just Jimmy and Mr Barrow and the tension between them. It had been a long time since he'd felt awkward like this around the other man and he didn't like it at all. When it felt like all the world was against him, well except for the Bates', he wanted his friend back.

Mr Barrow obviously felt it too, he was giving Jimmy that contrite look, which Jimmy so hated seeing on his face. He wanted Mr Barrow to be strong and confident. 

"I hate the way it is between us now," he confessed.

"Me too," Mr Barrow quickly replied, obviously relieved that Jimmy planned to speak candidly. "You're the best friend I've ever had, Jimmy. I couldn't bare to lose you."

For a second Jimmy thought he was talking about some possible future, but then he realised Mr Barrow was talking about the past. In a way, he had already lost Jimmy, when Jimmy had been sacked and had to leave. Is that why he'd cut his wrists? Jimmy knew losing the person one loved could spur one onto such action. He had seen it firsthand. 

But this wasn't like those unalterable circumstances, Jimmy was still living and breathing, Mr Barrow had no cause to fret.

"I'm right here, Mr Barrow," he reminded.

Mr Barrow gave him a grateful look.

"As I said Jimmy, it means more than you know."

Mr Barrow obviously thought they were on track towards friendship again, and he was right, but Jimmy had to be certain that things were clear before he committed to anything.

"If we are to be friends, you must promise me you'll never try that again. I couldn't bear losing you either."

"I promise, Jimmy. I swear I'll never be so stupid again."

"Good," Jimmy nodded. He didn't want to drag this out, he hated being at odds with Mr Barrow.

Suddenly, Mr Barrow stepped forward and hugged him. Jimmy sucked in sharp breath.

Mr Barrow pulled away and frowned. 

"What is it?"

"Nothing," Jimmy lied.

"Jimmy..."

He looked up at Mr Barrow who was waiting for an answer and if they meant to be friends, he supposed he shouldn't lie.

"Mr Wright likes lessons to leave a lasting impression..."

"What do you mean...?" Mr Barrow said, but Jimmy could see in his eyes that he understood perfectly and just didn't want it to be true. "Show me."

Jimmy pulled up his shirt, revealing the ugly brown and purple bruise on his ribs.

Mr Barrow sucked in a breath and reached out, but Jimmy quickly covered the mark again. It was a shameful thing.

He looked up and met Mr Barrow's gaze, the other man's anguish plain to see.

"Jimmy, you cannot go back there."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"Good. What will you do?"

"I don't know. They'll not give me a reference, so service is unlikely. I suppose I could get work on a road gang or in a factory."

"No," Mr Barrow stated, shaking his head definitively. 

"What? Why not? You think I couldn't take it?"

"I think you shouldn't have to. Look at yourself, Jimmy. You're much too good for all that."

Jimmy wanted to believe it but he'd been brought down a peg or two since Mr Barrow had known him. His looks had meant nothing at Hatterly Park, except to perhaps make others more spiteful towards him in their envy.

"Then what?"

"Come back to Downton."

It was a wonderful, yet wholly impossible, idea.

"They'd never allow it. Not after what I did."

How he regretted that foolishness now. If he'd thrown it all away on a beautiful woman maybe, but Lady Anstruther? The folly...

"You're in friendly with Mr Bates now," Mr Barrow encouraged. 

"So?"

"So, he has His Lordship's ear. If you can get Mr Bates to think it's a good idea, His Lordship will too."

"Could I really do that?” Jimmy wondered. “Use Mr Bates like that when he's been so kind to me?"

Mr Barrow fixed an unflinching gaze on him.

"You use whatever you have to, to make sure nothing like that ever happens again," he said, indicating towards Jimmy's ribs.

Perhaps Mr Barrow was right. He needed to do whatever he could to get away from Hatterly Park and he couldn't live off charity forever. Reclaiming his position at Downton wouldn't be charity, if it happened he planned to work twice as hard as he ever had before. 

xxx

Jimmy was up early to catch Mr Bates before he walked up to the house.

"Mr Bates, is it true that Mr Molesley is leaving to be a schoolteacher?"

"It is," Mr Bates confirmed. "Daisy said the children find him spellbinding if you can believe that."

"Not quite," Jimmy confessed. "Does that mean they'll be looking for a new footman?"

"I'm not sure. I think the plan is not to replace staff as they leave."

"But the other footman, Andrew, was it? Isn't he planning to be a pig keeper? They couldn't run the house with no footman, could they?"

"I couldn't say. It would be up to Mr Carson to decide, I should think."

"But he'd have to do whatever His Lordship requested, wouldn't he?"

"I suppose so. Where are you going with all this, Jimmy?"

"Only suppose they did need a new footman, and they could have one already trained in the ways at Downton."

"You mean you."

"His Lordship might think kindly on it, if you were to tell him how I've changed."

Mr Bates narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.

"Is that what all this has been about? Helping us out? A way to get your job back?"

Jimmy was mortified that Mr Bates should think so. 

"No, not at all. All I meant was to repay your kindness."

"It's true, it doesn't seem like a scheme of yours. Did Thomas put you up to this?"

Jimmy didn't have Mr Barrow's gift for bending the truth.

"Just to ask you, yes. But not for the selfish reason you think."

"I doubt that."

"Please don't think badly of him, Mr Bates. He only means to help me."

"It's hard to believe Mr Barrow would want to help anyone, but I suppose he did always have a soft spot for you."

"If you knew all of it, you'd believe without question."

"Perhaps you should tell me."

"Tell you what?" Anna chimed in, ready to go up to the house.

"Jimmy has taken Mr Barrow's advice and asked me to put in a good word for him with His Lordship so he might have his old job back. He was just going to tell me why Mr Barrow is being selfless in suggesting the idea."

Jimmy looked between them both. They were good, kind people and he didn't want them to think badly of Mr Barrow. He would have to trust to their being understanding.

"You recall I spoke of Mr Wright, the butler?"

"Yes," Anna confirmed.

"The day I got your letter, Mr Bates, I went to ask for leave. I wasn't impertinent, I had plenty of leave owing, but he wouldn't hear of it. He was always cruel to everyone, but particularly so to me, and when I stood up to him he didn't like it. He let his boot do the talking after that."

Jimmy raised his shirt to show them the bruise. It had faded to brown now, but was still the size of his outstretched hand.

"Oh Jimmy," Anna gasped, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. 

"He shouldn't have treated you like that," Mr Bates stated.

"So you see," Jimmy said, pulling his shirt down again. "I showed Mr Barrow what had happened, and he only said that I should do anything I could to keep from going back there. Only so I'd be safe."

"Was that the only time?" Mr Bates questioned.

"No," Jimmy said, leaving it at that rather than relive every horrible incident. 

"Alright," Mr Bates nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

xxx

Jimmy was agitated all day, and he knew it was unreasonable to expect Mr Bates to convince His Lordship in a day, but that didn’t stop him eagerly awaiting Mr Bates’ return from the big house.

When Mr Bates and his wife arrived home for the evening, he couldn’t contain himself.

“Did you speak to His Lordship?”

“Well hello to you too, Jimmy,” Mr Bates smiled as he hung up his coat. Jimmy waited nervously for the valet to go on.

“Of course,” Mr Bates answered. “It would be a bit strange if we spent the entire day in silence.”

Mr Bates was being deliberately evasive when Jimmy was so desperate for news. All his hopes hinged on this plan now.

“Mr Bates,” Anna chastised with a playful smile. “Can’t you see poor Jimmy is beside himself?”

“Is he? I hadn’t noticed.”

“Please, Mr Bates,” Jimmy implored.

“Jimmy, you know these things take time.”

“Of course,” he allowed, unable to hide his disappointment though. He so desperately wanted to part of the Downton household again.

They all headed in, each taking a seat at the table that Jimmy had already set. He had the kettle on boiling like he did every evening so the Bates’ could have a cup of tea when they got home. Usually they brought him a piece of cake or some biscuits that Mrs Patmore had cooked. Tonight it was gingerbread cake.

“Jimmy,” Anna addressed him, kindly like always. “Mr Bates will do what he can, but in the end it’s up to His Lordship and Mr Carson. I hope it works out for you, but perhaps you had best consider all your options.”

As far as Jimmy was concerned, this was his only option. He honestly had no clue where he would go, or what he would do if this scheme was unsuccessful.

“You should send a letter to Mr Wright,” Anna continued. “At least try for a reference, Jimmy.”

“It won’t do any good.”

“There's no harm in trying,” Anna advised.

“Alright,” he agreed, for no other reason than she had been kind to him and she had asked. He had no expectation at all that Mr Wright would respond. “I’ll post something tomorrow.”

“Very wise,” Anna nodded.

It was funny how she and Mr Bates had sort of adopted him. It had been a while now since his own parents had died. His father in the war, and his mother of the flu, or more accurately, a broken heart. Though really, the mother he knew, had died along with his father, so it was nice to have people who wanted to take care of him. They weren’t family though, they were friends, and he would only be able to impose on them for so long. For now though, it was nice, he had always gotten along well with Anna, even before, because she was clever and didn’t suffer fools. She was kind and considerate too, and always did her best to look on the bright side. Another thing he liked about her was that she knew how to have fun.

“Do you remember when we danced together in York?” he recalled. While Anna always did what she thought best, she wasn’t afraid to indulge in her rebellious streak occasionally. Mr Bates really was a very lucky man.

“Jimmy,” Anna gushed. “You’ll make Mr Bates jealous.”

“Nonsense,” Mr Bates smiled. “Why shouldn’t you dance when your heart is glad?”

“Because I’m too fat,” she smiled back, touching her swelling belly.

“When the baby is born, I’m going to dance with you again,” Jimmy declared.

“Well, my heart should be very glad then,” she smiled. “So I might hold you to that.”

“I hope so,” he told her. If he was still in Yorkshire then, he would very much feel like dancing too.

xxx

With the post, a letter arrived for Jimmy. He had no idea who it could be from, as far as he knew there were exactly three people in the entire world that cared if he lived or died. He lived with two of them, and the third was only up the road at the Abbey.

He pulled the small, tattered envelope open and took out the note.

_James,_

_No reference will be forthcoming._

_Mr Wright_

"Well there it is," Jimmy said, showing the note to Mr and Mrs Bates. It was actually more courtesy than he had expected. 

“Never mind, Jimmy,” Anna said. “You’ve a home here with us as long as you need.”

“That’s very kind of you,” he said, offering her the best smile he could muster.

“Cheer up, Jimmy,” Mr Bates encouraged. “I wasn’t going to tell you just yet, but His Lordship likes the idea of new footman. Now we’ve just got to convince Mr Carson.”

“Is that supposed to be encouraging?” Jimmy sulked. He struggled to think of anyone that Mr Carson disapproved of more than himself.

Mr Bates laughed.

“You have very determined friends at Downton. Don’t underestimate them.”

“You mean Mr Barrow?”

“You know how clever and convincing he can be, and that’s no small thing when he’s on your side, Jimmy. You know he will do everything he can for you.”

Jimmy nodded, because he did know. He knew that Mr Barrow had helped him into a lady’s bedroom even though he was in love with him. That kind of selflessness came from loving someone more than anything. He’d under appreciated that fact before, but this time he was going to put his faith in it.

xxx

One of Thomas’ skills had always been gathering information, and what he had gathered recently was that His Lordship was considering taking on another footman. He knew that Jimmy had spoken to Mr Bates, and Thomas was determined to play his part. He made sure to take every opportunity to subtly remind Mr Carson that Downton was a great house, and that having another footman would only be to it’s benefit.

He found himself quite invested in the cause, and it was funny to think how not so long ago the future meant nothing to him. Jimmy’s return had changed that, and Thomas would fight to his very last breath to keep Jimmy close now.

If Thomas knew one thing, it was that the key to Mr Carson was Lady Mary. The old butler had never been able to refuse her, not even when she had asked him to leave Downton.

What Thomas also knew was that Jimmy had been hired in the first place because of a whim of Lady Mary’s.

So when he found himself in the room when they were discussing the matter, after His Lordship had suggested taking on another member of staff, Thomas seized the opportunity.

“James is available for work,” he informed the lady.

“James?” she questioned. “Papa did mention that a former footman was back in the village...”

“The handsome one,” Thomas prompted.

“Oh yes,” Lady Mary allowed. “I remember now. He was a rather fine addition to the dining room.”

“It’s out of the question,” Mr Carson huffed, shooting a glare at Thomas but he wasn’t going to back down. This was his one shot to ensure a happy future for both himself and Jimmy and nothing was more important than that. “Do you not recall the disgrace he threatened to rain down upon this house?”

“Heavens, Carson. Was it really as dramatic as all that? I don’t even recall.”

“The night of the fire, My Lady,” Thomas interceded. If one of them was going to tell this story, he preferred it to be him. He would certainly paint it in a better light than Mr Carson. “When I rescued, Lady Edith.” He included that because reminding the family of favours never hurt. “Jimmy was caught in his former employer’s room. It was very silly of him, he knows that now, but I suppose at the time he was very young and naive.”

“You see, My Lady?” Carson said. “Completely unacceptable behaviour.”

Lady Mary paused a moment, and Thomas knew she had not always been blameless in her own personal life. It was true that sometimes she could be cold, but she was not unkind.

“And you say he’s learned his lesson, Barrow?”

“In very vivid terms, My Lady. I know he would never do anything to tarnish this house again. If you give him a chance, I know you’ll find him to be the very example of propriety and hard work.”

Lady Mary shared a look with Carson, the old butler powerless to oppose her.

“Well,” she said. “I daresay he isn’t the first young man who was eager to sow some wild oats.”

“He made a mistake, My Lady. One he will never repeat.”

She nodded her understanding.

"Do let him stay, Carson," Lady Mary requested. "It’s true, after all. He is quite handsome."

"Very well, My Lady. As you wish."

xxx

By some miracle, the scheme had come off. Jimmy was once again employed at Downton Abbey.

He had worked hard all day as he had promised to do, and after supper with the staff, he followed Mr Barrow outside as they used to do of an evening.

"Will you move back up to the house?" Mr Barrow enquired.

"I think I'll stay with Mr and Mrs Bates for now. Don't want to push my luck."

"I'll miss you in the evenings."

"I could stay for a smoke,” Jimmy offered. “If you're buying, of course."

Mr Barrow gave him a smile.

"I think I can manage that."

"Good man, Mr Barrow," Jimmy commended, clapping a hand to Mr Barrow's shoulder. Mr Barrow froze at the touch, and Jimmy quickly pulled away, feeling his own cheeks warm a touch. Mr Barrow often touched him, but Jimmy was never the one to initiate it.

“I don’t know if I ever thanked you,” Jimmy rushed out.

“For what?” Mr Barrow asked, lighting a smoke.

“Getting me my job back.”

“What makes you think it was me?” Mr Barrow said, stowing his matches back in his pocket.

“I know you. So, thank you.”

Mr Barrow just gave him a smile and took another puff of his smoke.

“Mind you work hard, Jimmy. Don’t make any trouble.”

“Of course not,” Jimmy promised. He would never do anything to risk losing this place and these people again.

xxx

"Did you hear?" Jimmy overheard Mr Molesley say to Daisy. "Mr Barrow is leaving."

Jimmy's heart clenched in his chest. It couldn't be true. Mr Barrow wouldn't go without telling him first. 

It was hours later when Jimmy caught up with his friend, and by that time he had worked himself into a right state.

"Is it true?" he demanded.

"You'll have to elaborate."

"Don't play games with me. Is it true? Are you leaving Downton?"

"Who told you that?"

"So it is true," Jimmy realised. He felt wretchedly let down, not to mention hurt that Mr Barrow hadn't thought to confide in him first. He'd thought they were best friends. 

"In a way. I'll still work here, but I've decided to get a cottage in the village."

"So you're not leaving?" Jimmy was so relieved.

"Of course not," Mr Barrow said gently, gripping Jimmy's arm. When once that touch might have bothered him, he took great comfort from it now, knowing Mr Barrow was a solid reality, and to be relied upon. "You didn't really think I'd go without saying anything, did you?" His fingers tightened around Jimmy's arm. "Jimmy, I hope you know you mean more to me than that."

"I had hoped so."

"I wanted to surprise you, but you know now. Walk down with me this afternoon and we can take a look if you like?"

"Thank you, Mr Barrow. I should like that very much.”

xxx

As they walked down to the village, it seemed Mr Barrow had already made his mind up. He told Jimmy how others at the house had invested in property, so it seemed a sensible thing, and that he had been saving most of his wage for the last six years so he had a bit put by. He had to borrow some from the bank, but the repayments weren't beyond his means.

The cottage was small, but it seemed sturdy to Jimmy and was plenty big enough for a bachelor. There was even a second bedroom which Jimmy supposed could be helpful with the loan repayments if Mr Barrow rented it out.

Jimmy stepped into the pleasant, little room and looked about. It seemed like someone could be quite comfortable here.

"Will you let it out?" he wondered.

Mr Barrow stood in the doorway, watching him with a fond smile. He looked incredibly handsome now that he was filled with confidence and purpose. 

"Actually, I had hoped you'd take this one."

Jimmy could mull it over, or he could do what he knew in his heart to be right.

"I think I will."

"I won't deny it, that makes me very happy, Jimmy."

"I'm glad, Mr Barrow," Jimmy smiled back.

"Please, call me Thomas here. If this is to be your home too, I’d like for us to be on equal terms."

“Alright then, Thomas. Thank you very much. I think I shall be very comfortable here.”

“I hope so, Jimmy. I really do.”

xxx

The next thing Jimmy had to do was tell Mr and Mrs Bates that he was leaving. Of course he was very grateful for their generosity and help, but it was time for all of them to get on with their lives.

"You'll have the little one here soon,” Jimmy reminded.

"I'll be sad to see you go, Jimmy," Anna offered with a smile, reaching out for a hug. He stepped into her arms, as best he could considering that she was very pregnant, and kissed her cheek.

"You've both been very kind to me," he told her and her husband. "I won't forget it." He shook Mr Bates’ hand. “I hope I haven’t been too much trouble.”

“Not at all, Jimmy,” said Mr Bates. “Truth be told it’s been quite nice coming home to a lit fire and a hot cup of tea.”

“Oh,” he said. “I hadn’t thought about that. It won’t be too cold for the baby, will it?”

Mr and Mrs Bates shared a smile.

“Away with you, Jimmy,” Anna shooed. “We’ll do our very best to manage without you.”

Realising he was being silly, obviously the Bates’ didn’t actually need him, he smiled too.

“May I call in to see the baby when it’s born?”

Anna gave him another smile.

“I should be very put out if you didn’t. Now go, get some sleep. You’ll need your strength to move all that furniture tomorrow.”

He gave her one last hug and then retired for the evening, hardly able to believe that his life and luck had turned around so much for the better. He promised himself right then, that he was never going to stop being grateful for it.

xxx

Anna was right, carting all the furniture in was a big job. But he was used to hard work these days and working alongside Thomas for their own personal benefit, wasn’t really a chore.

They carried the big mattress in and dropped it down onto Thomas’ bed.

The double bed took up a considerable portion of the room.

"Are you planning on sharing with someone?" Jimmy teased.

"No,” Thomas said, pushing the loose hair back off his face. “I just never had room for a bed like this before so I thought, why not?"

“Fair enough,” Jimmy allowed. Thomas had worked long enough to be able to enjoy the fruits of his labour now.

“Come along,” Thomas said. “We’ve still got your room to set up.”

“Alright,” Jimmy allowed. Well, perhaps there was still a little more to do before they could simply enjoy it all.

xxx

The world was not what it used to be, and even Downton Abbey was not immune to change. The big estates didn’t have the money they had once had, and it meant that sacrifices had to be made. One of those sacrifices it turned out, was Mr Barrow’s job. Apparently the services of an under butler were no longer required. Thomas had not been sacked, but he had been told to begin searching for employment elsewhere and to make it happen as quickly as he could.

He had started at Downton many years ago as a hall boy, and the change in his circumstances was weighing heavily upon him.

Jimmy had expected these first few weeks in their new house to be terribly happy ones, he finally felt like he was where he belonged, but given what had happened, the mood was decidedly more sombre.

“I don’t even know if I can afford to keep paying my loan if I can’t find a new job with a similar wage,” Thomas sighed.

He was sitting across the room in his chair, looking very downcast, and Jimmy found he couldn't take his eyes off him. He really was a handsome man, he deserved to be painted by some famous artist. 

Jimmy got up and went to him, kneeling on the floor before him, reaching up and taking Thomas' face between his hands.

“Let me help you...”

Those piercing blue eyes gazed back at him, so sad and so desperate to be loved, and Jimmy found himself drawn in. He admired Thomas so much and wanted him to have his heart's desire. He had stretched up and pressed his lips to the other man's before he knew he meant to do it, but when their mouths met he wasn't disgusted. It felt like something that needed to happen.

"Jimmy, what are you-"

"Shh," Jimmy said, pressing his fingers to Thomas' lips. "I don't know what it means about tomorrow, but for tonight let me give you this."

Thomas stared at him in shock a moment longer, then he surged forward and wrapped Jimmy up, pulling him close and crushing their mouths together. In this kiss he could feel it, how badly Thomas wanted him, and for a second he thought only a fool wouldn't want to be loved like this. But then the thought was gone, pushed out by more immediate feelings, like how warm and slick Thomas' tongue felt against his own, and how it suddenly felt like his whole body was electrified.

Thomas was trying to devour him, mouth wide and frantic, and when he moved forward, pushing Jimmy back onto the floor, lying over him, Jimmy could feel the other man’s arousal. He knew where this might be heading, but he didn't exactly know how.

"I've never... Not with a bloke..."

"Don't worry about that now," Thomas advised. "Just do whatever feels good."

Well that was something Jimmy had always been good at. He let Thomas kiss him, and it was wonderful until he couldn’t ignore the discomfort of the hard floorboards against his back any longer.

"Can we take this to bed?"

Thomas grinned and pulled him up.

"Come on."

Jimmy was very glad now that Thomas had indulged in the spacious bed.

He tried not to think too much about the fact that Thomas was a man, and just enjoy the sensation of hot skin against his own and a willing mouth.

It all happened rather fast, Thomas was very good at getting Jimmy’s body to respond to him, and then Thomas was on top of him, asking a question.

“Can I have you inside me, Jimmy?”

Jimmy didn’t know how exactly, but he trusted Thomas, he had been very adept so far, so he eagerly nodded his consent.

Thomas rocked back, and Jimmy was suddenly surrounded by tight warmth, and it was glorious.

It was also too restrictive being underneath like this.

“Let me be on top,” he said, pushing Thomas up.

Thomas allowed it, and they rolled over, Jimmy sliding into Thomas again. Now he could move, pumping his hips, making his own rhythm, driving desperately into the tight heat. He had never felt anything near this good before in his life. 

He could feel it building, everything gathering, and then blessed release. He cried out with the ecstasy of it, falling boneless on the slick body beneath him. His chest heaving, hot skin under his lips.

Then he was being squeezed in a crushing embrace, and he could taste salt, tears running over his lips. They didn't belong to him.

"Jimmy," Thomas gasped. "Jimmy, thank you. Thank you." He sounded as though Jimmy had just given him the greatest gift on Earth. 

Jimmy felt too heavy to yet lift his head, but his hand stroked Thomas' head and his mouth was right by his ear. He felt like he was the one that should be grateful, for the physical pleasure and for the love Thomas gave him, but all that he could say was; "you're welcome." And bury his face deeper into the hot skin of Thomas' neck.

xxx

Thomas was woken by movement, and he opened his eyes to see Jimmy’s back facing him, as the younger man sat on the edge of the bed. Thomas kept quiet, Jimmy was obviously thinking, and Thomas didn’t want to pressure him in any way. He’d been down that path once before and it had been a nightmare for a long time after. Whatever happened between them, Jimmy had to want it.

Thomas gazed at the golden expanse of Jimmy’s back, he was so very beautiful from every angle, until the muscles in his shoulders shifted, and Thomas quickly closed his eyes before Jimmy caught him watching.

He waited with bated breath to see what Jimmy would do, hoping for a gentle touch to his arm maybe, Jimmy waking him up with a smile, but it didn’t happen. He felt the bed move again, and then the sound of Jimmy’s feet moving across the floor.

Thomas waited until he was gone before he let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes. He tried not to be too disappointed by the emptiness of the room, Jimmy had already given him more than he ever had the right to expect. Still, he ached with the knowledge that Jimmy would never return his feelings, never want him in the way Thomas dreamed of. Jimmy wasn’t like him, he knew that, so he didn’t know why his traitorous heart couldn’t accept the same. Jimmy was here, an important part of his life. Somehow he just had to accept that as enough, because if he didn’t, if he pushed, if he chased Jimmy off with ridiculous, romantic notions of love conquering all, he didn’t think he’d survive it a second time.

xxx

They didn't mention it, but it was there in the things they didn't say.

"Should we walk up to the house together?" Thomas asked carefully.

"We always do,” Jimmy replied. “Why wouldn't we?"

"No reason," Thomas answered.

Jimmy was going to leave it, but he didn't want suspicions raised if Thomas was acting timid around him. He stopped Thomas at the door.

"About last night. I'm not angry or upset or any of the things you think I might be. I wanted to give you something only I could, and I have now. It won't happen again, but I don't regret it. In fact, I'm happy for you if you got what you wanted." He stuck out his hand in a peace offering. "Friends?"

Thankfully, Thomas took the offered hand and shook it.

"Always, Jimmy. We'll always be that."

"I'm glad to hear it. Now, we better get going before Mr Carson boxes our ears for being late."

xxx

Jimmy's little bed felt cold and lonely, much like his days now that Thomas had been forced to find employment elsewhere, and it seemed silly not to go to Thomas when there was room and he knew he was wanted.

Jimmy threw the covers back and got up, quietly making his way to the other man's room. He didn't say anything, just slipped into bed beside Thomas.

"Jimmy?" Thomas' voice sounded rough with sleep. Now that he worked further away, his days were longer, and he was tired when he got home.

"Can I stay?" he asked, nestling himself into Thomas' chest.

"Of course you can," Thomas allowed, wrapping him up.

Jimmy meant for that to be it, for them to sleep, but Thomas' warmth was melting into him and his scent was in Jimmy's nostrils tantalising him. His lips moved of their own accord, grazing the soft skin of Thomas' throat. He heard Thomas stifle a soft moan, felt his breath hitch, and it stoked a fire in Jimmy. He opened his mouth to suck that skin, and his hips began to roll, seeking contact for his growing arousal. He didn't know exactly what to do or what he wanted, just contact and release, and then he felt Thomas' hand slip into his pants, long fingers curling around him. It was perfect and he worked with Thomas, thrusting into his fist until he came. 

As Jimmy lay there satisfied, Thomas transferred his hand to his own cock, and after a few short strokes he was finishing too. 

Neither of them said a word, but Jimmy fell asleep comforted, knowing he was safe and wanted here.

xxx

It all happened around Christmas time. Anna gave birth to a little baby boy, and Thomas became the butler at Downton Abbey.

Finally, everything had come together and Jimmy was able to indulge in the happiness that he’d been waiting so long for.

“I thought I might go by way of the Bates' this evening, to see the baby,” Jimmy said to Thomas at the end of the day. “Do you want to come?"

"I should think I wouldn't be very welcome there."

"Don't be daft. Have you forgotten why I'm here at all? It was Mr Bates that sent for me, and he didn't do it for my benefit. Come along, Mr Barrow. At the very least, I want you there."

That statement earned him a smile from Thomas, something Jimmy was growing fonder of each day. 

"That's not the least of it to me, Jimmy."

Thomas' compliment had him smiling back like a fool too.

xxx

"He's lovely. Isn't he, Thomas?"

"He is. He looks very much like his mother thankfully."

Mr Bates laughed.

"Something for you and I to agree on, Mr Barrow."

This was nice, Jimmy appreciated. The four of them getting along.

"What's his name to be?" he asked.

"John,” Anna said, giving her husband an adoring look.

“Little Johnny,” Jimmy cooed, touching a finger to the baby’s chubby chin.

“Johnny,” Anna smiled. “I like that.”

“He will too,” Jimmy assured. He preferred Jimmy to James, but perhaps that was only because James always made him feel like he was in trouble for something.

He turned a cheeky look on Thomas.

“Were you ever Tommy?”

“Certainly not,” the butler sniffed.

Jimmy, Anna and Mr Bates all laughed at Thomas’ Carson-like response.

“He's a very lucky little boy,” Thomas said, almost certainly just to change the topic. “To have parents who'll dote on him so, who'll support him whatever happens."

"Thank you, Mr Barrow," Anna smiled. 

Thomas smiled back, perhaps a little surprised by his own sentimentality. 

"We should get going now, Jimmy. This little lad needs his rest."

"Thank you for stopping by," Anna said. "Both of you."

"It was our pleasure," Jimmy replied. 

They all said their goodnights and Thomas and Jimmy left.

The evening air was pleasantly cool as they made their way back to their own little cottage. 

"Have you ever thought about having children?" Jimmy wondered.

"It's not something my sort get to have," Thomas replied matter-of-factly, bending his head to light a cigarette.

In a way it seemed a shame, Thomas would make such beautiful children, and after seeing the way he was with Master George, Miss Sybbie and Miss Marigold, he would be a devoted father.

"My sort either."

Thomas exhaled with a soft laugh, and offered Jimmy the smoke, lighting another for himself.

"And what sort might that be?"

"The sort that can't make up their mind to settle. How should I ever know if a girl was right to be my wife? What if I got married, and we quarrelled all the time? Or worse, what if I got bored?"

"Heaven forbid..."

"It's a serious problem, Mr Barrow. How does one ever really know?"

"I'm sure I'm not the right person to ask, but if you feel for someone what I feel for you, you'll know."

"So you're not bored with me yet?"

Jimmy meant it as a joke of sorts, but Thomas stopped dead in his tracks. Jimmy halted too. 

"I'm sorry," he offered. "That was unkind. I don't mean to make light of your feelings."

"Jimmy, if you think I could ever be bored with you, perhaps you really don't have a clue about love."

"What do you mean?"

"The things you do are interesting because it is you who does them. Whenever we're apart, all I think about is when I'll next see you again. I could look at you every minute of every hour of every day and only ever want more."

“Oh,” Jimmy blushed, hoping that his cheeks might already be red from the chill air to hide it. “Then I definitely haven’t met a girl like that.”

“You will,” Thomas offered. “And I promise when you do, you’ll know.”

xxx

Jimmy was readying himself for bed when he realised he hadn't actually gotten a proper answer from Thomas. He made his way to the other man's room and quietly pushed the door open.

Thomas was in the process of changing for bed. In the lamplight Jimmy could see that he had removed his coat and was now unbuttoning his shirt. Undone like this, he was a sight to behold. In fact, he always was.

"You never answered the question."

Thomas' head whipped up at the sound of Jimmy's voice, hands frozen on the button he was undoing. 

"What?"

"Do you want children?"

"This again? Seeing that baby has addled your brain."

"No, it hasn't," Jimmy defended himself, stepping into the room. "I'm just curious."

He waited for an answer, interested to learn more about Thomas.

"Jimmy, it's not possible. What's the point of wishing for things that won't ever happen?"

Jimmy lifted his hands and coaxed Thomas' aside, taking over the task of removing his shirt.

"I hate to think of you not having what you want."

He pressed a kiss to Thomas' collarbone. 

"Jimmy..."

"Yes?"

"Stay?"

He smiled and pushed the shirt back off Thomas' shoulders, that was a wish he could grant.

xxx

When Anna returned to work, little Johnny went with her. The place left by Marigold in the nursery was filled by the servant's child during the day, which meant Jimmy could sneak in on occasion to see him. Nanny was fine with it, she liked Thomas because he was good with the children, and that goodwill extended to Jimmy because of their association.

Johnny was crawling now, much to George and Sybbie's delight. When Jimmy stepped into the nursery, the two older children were coaxing little Johnny across the carpet with a rattle. 

"You'll be out of a job soon, Nanny," he teased. 

At the sound of his voice, the children looked up, bright smiles on their faces. 

"Jimmy!" 

The two older ones jumped up, leaving Johnny suddenly unattended. 

"Have you been taking good care of Johnny?"

"We have," they assured. "He can crawl right across the room now!"

"I don't believe it."

"He can!" they declared. "We'll show you."

"Go on then," he encouraged. They were repositioning themselves and the baby when Thomas arrived. He gave Jimmy a curious look and came to stand beside him.

"We're having a crawling demonstration," Jimmy informed him. "I'm told Johnny can make it right across the room now."

"He can!" Sybbie said again. 

"Barrow, watch," George said, eager to prove the claim to his favourite member of staff. 

They enticed the baby with toys and encouraging words, until he did indeed crawl right across the mat. 

"See?" the two Crawley children beamed up at them. 

"Very clever," Thomas told them. “Now come along, Jimmy. We'd best get on."

They left the nursery together.

"I find you up here a lot," Thomas remarked. He might be the butler, and technically Jimmy should be working, but he knew he was special and could get away with more than most.

"Surely you wouldn't begrudge me a little time with them?"

Thomas paused before he answered, something pained about his expression.

"No, Jimmy. I wouldn't."

xxx

Not always, but most nights, Jimmy ended up in Thomas' bed. Being the only footman, and now that there was no under butler, and just a single hall boy, sometimes he was worn out from a long day of work, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Tonight wasn't one of those nights however.

Jimmy was in a good mood, everything was right in his life. A year ago he wouldn't have believed it possible, that he could be back at Downton among friends. He'd have called anyone mad who even suggested it. Yet here he was secure, safe and happy.

He crossed the hall to Thomas' room and slipped under the covers beside him. 

Thomas was awake, probably waiting for him, so Jimmy wasted no time rolling onto the other man and leaning down to kiss him. But Thomas' mouth wasn't pliant like he expected and he felt those familiar hands gripping his arms, pushing him back.

Jimmy frowned down in confusion.

"Jimmy, no," Thomas told him. "We can't do this anymore."

It was so unexpected, so out of the blue, that Jimmy didn't know what to think.

"Why not?" he questioned. It was all he could think to say, as far as he knew their arrangement worked perfectly.

Thomas opened his mouth to speak then closed it.

"Hop off," he instructed. "Heaven knows this is hard enough for me to say without you on top of me looking like a fallen angel."

Jimmy did as he was asked, still puzzled about what he'd done to bring this on.

"Jimmy, you know I love you, and that this has meant more to me than I can say. I'll cherish what you've given me for the rest of my life, it's more than I ever thought I'd have, especially with you. But it's time for it to end. You don't love me the way I love you, and I can't give you what you want."

Jimmy was confused and struggled to think of anything he could have that he didn't have now. 

"What do I want?"

"Children," Thomas stated as though that were the most obvious thing in the world. "I see the way you are with them."

Everything Thomas had said was tumbling over in Jimmy's mind, and the conclusion he landed on was that Thomas was mistaken, on more than one account. 

"You're wrong."

"You don't have to spare my feelings, you've given me more than I ever deserved."

"Wrong again. You deserve to be loved as much as anyone does."

Thomas gave him a sad smile. 

"Even if that were true, the two us carrying on like this, can't give me that."

Now Jimmy knew Thomas didn't mean what he was saying, he didn't want to stop, he was just being dramatic. 

"Why not?"

"Jimmy, please. Don't make me be cruel."

"I don't mean to, but if you're going to take this away from me, I want to know why exactly."

"I told you. You need to be free. To find a wife, to have children. I want all of that for you."

The more Thomas talked, the more Jimmy realised that what he truly desired was no great mystery, it had been right in front of him all along.

"What about what I want?" Jimmy wondered, reaching over and touching Thomas' cheek. "I know I can be contrary, but I think me giving you what you want all this time, means that I do love you, doesn't it?"

Thomas' eyes grew glassy and he reached over to caress Jimmy's face.

"Can you really mean that?"

Jimmy gave him a smile and nodded.

"I never felt content a day in my life until I let myself be with you. Let's not ruin a good thing. Please, let me stay."

Thomas laughed and sobbed and crushed him close. 

"Jimmy, you don't know how happy you've made me."

Jimmy held on too, in Thomas' embrace was the place he felt most free, most like himself. Being loved was the best feeling in the world.

"I think I do."

xxx

"Let's invite Anna and Mr Bates for tea," Jimmy suggested one evening when he and Thomas were alone in their cottage. It would be nice to see Johnny without having to steal time to do so.

"Are you serious?" 

"Why not? They're our friends. They've been very good to us both."

Even Thomas couldn't deny the truth of that.

"Alright," he agreed. "You can ask them."

"I will," Jimmy said, popping a kiss on Thomas' lips.

"Mind, we have to be careful though,” Thomas warned. “We're housemates, that's all."

"Oh, that's all, is it?" Jimmy teased, gliding his hand over Thomas' bottom and giving it a squeeze.

“Jimmy!" Thomas squeaked. "I'm serious. Make sure your room looks lived in, in case they want to look around."

"Alright," Jimmy agreed. “What do you say we go rumple the bed a bit then?”

“You’re impossible,” Thomas sighed, though Jimmy was pleased to find he didn’t continue to argue.

xxx

"Hello, Mr Bates, Mrs Bates," Thomas greeted, rather formally in Jimmy's opinion. At least that was until he got to Johnny. "And little Master Johnny." He smiled at the baby and stepped aside to let their guests in. 

The cottage was small but the four of them fit around the little kitchen table. Jimmy had asked Daisy to supply some scones, which they had with jam, and Thomas made the tea. 

"This is a nice place you have here," Mr Bates complemented. 

"Very cosy," Anna added approvingly, bouncing little Johnny on her knee.

"We think so," Thomas replied. 

Jimmy watched as Anna struggled to eat around the child, but he wasn't too worried about the food himself. 

"Can I take him?" he offered.

"Thank you, Jimmy," Anna accepted, passing the baby over to him. 

Jimmy bounced the baby up and down, pulling silly faces until he had him giggling merrily. 

"You're very good with him," Anna laughed. 

"Happiness breeds happiness, I suppose," Jimmy said, pulling another face at Johnny to make him laugh again. 

"You're glad you came back to Downton then?" Mr Bates said.

"The boss is a bit grumpy sometimes," Jimmy said, throwing a cheeky smile at Thomas. "But other than that, it's wonderful."

"Coming back to a place after being away shines a different light,” Mr Bates said. “Makes one appreciate its virtues all the more."

They all agreed, every single one of them understood what it was to be forced to leave Downton, but they had all found their way back. The Bates' had been good people to begin with, but Jimmy and Thomas were all the better for it. 

"Should you like a little brother or sister, Master Johnny?" Jimmy cooed.

"Jimmy," Thomas admonished.

"What? I was only asking."

"I should think we'd all approve of such a thing," Mr Bates smiled. 

"We should," Anna agreed, squeezing her husband’s hand.

It was then that little Johnny wet himself. Anna had brought all the things she needed to change him, and Jimmy showed her through to his old room to complete the task. He stayed with her while she changed the nappy, just because he liked her and wanted to keep her company.

“You and Mr Barrow seem very happy,” Anna remarked.

"We are. At least, it's very good of him to let me stay here."

"I'm sure it is. And what about this second bedroom, what do you use it for?"

Jimmy's chin nearly hit the floor. Even if Anna suspected, he never thought she state it quite so boldly.

"Calm down, Jimmy. Both Mr Bates and I know better than most what real criminals are, and I can assure you, choosing to love someone is not a crime."

It was surprisingly touching that she was happy for them despite the nature of their relationship.

"Still, you won't say anything?"

"Of course not. I just wanted you to know you needn't hide your happiness from us."

"Thank you, Anna. I appreciate that."

She gave a warm smile.

"And I hope you know that if I ever need someone to take care of Johnny, I'll be knocking on this door."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Very good," she said, picking Johnny up so they could go rejoin the others.

xxx

When the Bates' were gone, Thomas turned to him, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"You're sure you don't want any of your own?"

"God, no. This way we only have to deal with the good bits. Playing I can handle. Constant nappies and tantrums? No thanks."

Thomas slipped an arm around his waist and drew him close. 

"Just so you know, Jimmy. You're enough for me. More than enough, I love you with all my heart."

Jimmy smiled widely.

"And I think that makes me the luckiest man in the world."

"You honestly think so?"

"I do,” Jimmy grinned. “Now kiss me before I change my mind.”

Thomas laughed and obliged, and when his lips landed on Jimmy’s, Jimmy knew there was no risk of that ever happening. In accepting and embracing Thomas’ love, he found that his contrariness had been completely and utterly cured.


End file.
